20 Years of Blogging
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| Me, circa 2009. My first social media pic. |
I wrote something else in that note to myself about starting
a blog. “At the very least, maybe it helps me write more, stirring my thoughts
and generating better fiction.”
In 20 years of blogging, I definitely kept writing, and
even managed to self-publish a work of fiction – The Birth
of Super Crip. But I
have to admit that I never truly found a groove as a blogger. I would
occasionally do a post that generated more of a response than the norm for my
articles, but there was never a topic that I felt like I could grab ahold of
outside of sports. For some reason, doing a sports blog became this “other
thing” that I did.
Over the years, I’ve offered my opinion on my non-sports
blogs on everything from books, movies, music, to politics and the news of the
day. Writing about my life often seemed to strike a chord with readers,
especially posts focusing on my personal experiences living with cerebral palsy.
Yet, no one topic ever felt sustainable. My life just isn’t
exciting enough to write about regularly – whose is? I wasn’t very politically
inclined for most of my life, though looking through the old notebooks, I was surprised
at the number of political posts I found. Now and then I tried to play the role
of advocate for people with disabilities, but as an ongoing theme it quickly
became exhausting.
I’ve enjoyed doing the “Retro Rob” series leading up to
this 20th
anniversary of my first blog post. Bringing back some posts from old
blogs was interesting and I’m glad to have them back online and available to
readers. Honestly, I thought there’d be more articles to choose from. But many
of my best posts from the first decade of my blogging were put in I’m Not
Here to Inspire You, a
self-published book that received more response for its title than its content.
I haven’t read it in a while, but as I recall “From the Heart, About the Heart”
is an essay I’m still proud of. “Do It Yourself Therapy” and “Regrets from the
Easy Road” are pieces I hope young people with disabilities read. And the
introduction is my note to anyone who doesn’t understand the title.
An article you did not see in “Retro Rob” was a post that I’ve
struggled with more than any other from my past – my response to learning of
people who call themselves “transabled.” These individuals pretend to be
disabled. In their daily lives, they literally fake having disabilities and at
least for a time tried to argue that it is a social “identity.” My less than
eloquent writing on the topic at first merely raised a few eyebrows among my
usual readers who were just finding out about the topic. Later, after
mentioning the article on a disabilities studies listserv, I was called a bigot
on Twitter and called out on a supposed university website. It was distressing
to me that the article got more views than any other post I ever wrote, and I
struggled with the “criticism.” While I may have needed to be more
compassionate to these mentally ill people, nothing has changed in my horror
and outrage that pretending to have a disability as an identity is anything but
unacceptable to say the least. My only regret is that I deleted the post a few
years ago.
Articles for “Retro Rob” were chosen from my old blogs,
which was another reason it was difficult to find more for the series. At the
risk of tooting my own horn, some of my best articles are still on this blog.
Here are my favorites:
A
Moment of Not Dealing with Disability
There was a time I thought blogging could give me a voice
in the world. A couple times I thought I had a chance to really build an
audience. But the numbers tell me that it’s just never happened. And the truth
is that I never quite reached the point of saying whatever the hell I want without
worrying about what people might think.
Now, reaching readers seems to be harder than ever. Recent
efforts to boost my social media presence taught me that Facebook and X
(Twitter) have become pay to play.
Whatever happened to follow/friend someone and, you know,
see what they post?
Believe it or not, e-mail is still the best way to “follow”
my blog posts. Perhaps I should say, the e-mails that I send out generate the
most “hits” to my site.
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| Me, just last week. |
I’m tired. At 50+ with cerebral palsy, I am tired.
I recently learned of the passing years ago of a friend I
had in high school. We lost touch almost instantly after graduation. He had
mild CP. Huge guy. Strong. Funny. Of course, it’s made me think a lot about the
past, what’s happened in the 30+ years since high school, and where I am – and
where “we” are – now.
As a person and a disabled person, I have less hope than
ever. This is not where we were supposed to be 30 years later. I see signs that
we are constantly being manipulated. The idea that people like me would
have career opportunities was simply bullshit. Technology is often less accessible now than in the past. Going to work, attempting to build a life, was
practically a crime as a disabled person. I was screwed out of a job that I’d
actually acquired because I am disabled after the company was sold to a
corporation. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. But because I made some money
and had the gall to save it – albeit nothing I could live on very long – I
don’t qualify for all of the wonderful services for disabled people. It’s
insane.
The media now has sides. They show us what they want us to
see. I watch CNN over Fox News. But I can acknowledge that CNN focuses way too
much on Donald Trump’s crap. I also hear Fox News plenty in my house, and their
mission to get Trump re-elected was blatantly clear. And both networks focus so
much on Trump and his nonsense, nothing else gets covered.
If I think too much about where we are, it’s pretty damn
depressing. Some days, I want to dive in, fight the fight. Other days, the
futility of trying to really say something about the current state of our
lives, especially as a disabled man, is overwhelming. Even in my small pool of
readers, I know people like to hear about the first time I rode a bike on the
Schullykill Trail a hell of a lot more than my rants about politicians spitting
on people with disabilities.
But I once heard someone talk about how they “enter the
world.” I forget exactly what skill or activity they were referring to, but the
phrase stayed with me. For me writing is my way of trying to have that entry
into society.
It’s been an interesting 20 years. I’m not sure what comes next for me, though I assume it will include some form of social media and blogging. I know I want to focus more on that fiction I mentioned in the note to myself long ago. I also know I need to be stronger in what I say, without concerning myself with the response. So, if you don’t like what I say at times, just remember what I wrote a long time ago – I’m not here to inspire you.
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